Ok, before I start, I recognize that while you’re reading this you may notice that today’s reflection isn’t specifically about overcoming fear. I thought about a few other things I could write about, but this topic keeps tapping me on the shoulder so I decided to write about it here.
I’ve noticed something that happens once I’ve started taking steps towards my dreams. Very often I’ll stop in the middle out of discouragement and the belief that I’m just not doing enough. Have you ever felt that way? I have a feeling that a lot of people who struggle with fear may feel this way too.
After I turned thirty, I decided to start observing myself without judgment. So far it’s been life changing (I’m sure I’ll write about this too at some point) and it’s what caused me to notice that I have been berating myself for not doing “enough” and I want to stop.
So here’s what came out of my observation:
Am I using my own standards or someone else’s?
It’s so easy to adopt others’ beliefs and thoughts as your own and not even realize you’re doing it. I’ve found that my belief of what’s enough was built on someone else’s standard of unreasonable perfection and the borrowed belief that if you’re not doing something every second or doing really huge things every day you’re a poor excuse for a human.
My own standards, or the ones of my ideal self, are a bit more humane. I want to be taking at least one step every day towards my goal with the emphasis on the direction of the step and not on whether it’s a huge one. I very often take more than one step, but with my ideal standard, I consider those steps nice bonuses which makes me feel even better.
Am I being honest with myself about missing the mark using my own standards?
In observing, I find that it helps to consider all the possibilities so I don’t let myself off the hook. What do I want to be doing and am I doing that? Am I consistently not taking at least a step a day? If I’m not doing what I say I want to be doing, then there may be some truth to me feeling like I’m not doing enough. But I don’t need to use it as a label and just wallow, I can use it as a sign that I need to regroup and try a different tactic or change my standards.
Start an accomplishments journal
This has been one of the most helpful things that exposed the “I’m not doing enough” thought as a lie. Write down what you’ve done towards your goal every day. Write it in a journal, in your day planner, in your phone, anywhere you can refer to easily. At the end of the day or week, take out your list and look over what you’ve done.
Most times that will be enough to make you see and hopefully appreciate the cumulative work you’re putting in towards your dream. If you still look at the list and feel like it’s not enough, ask yourself what you would say to the list writer if the list was written by a close friend or family member that you care deeply about.
So hopefully this has been helpful to you. Have you ever experienced these feelings? Have you found another way to deal with feeling like you’re not doing enough towards your dream? Please share!
Great piece, Varonica! I like your quote by Cindy Crawford. Frankly I can’t hear this enough. I agree, the point is to make progress and to be honest about the progress you are making. And then not judge it. As long as I am moving in the direction I want to go and I’m not procrastinating, I need to be celebrating. It just feels good to be moving along, no matter how fast or slow the pace. They say if you can do one thing a day toward your goal, that’s enough. But I notice if I do one thing, I get inspired and want to keep going.
Thanks Julie! Such insightful notes. That’s exactly why I added the part about me usually doing more than one thing each day. And it’s amazing how much you can do with just consistent steps every day, even if it’s just one.
Hi Varonica, Isn’t that the problem with most of our frustration and inadequacy in life? Regularly comparing ourselves to other people and society’s standards. Regularly looking at what others are achieving, living or doing? And not feeling up to par with them individually or often not feeling up to par to society’s expectations. Having lived life at the epitome of both worlds, I’m glad I’m back in one where I value myself simply based on me. And standards set by myself.
And I’m finding that being true to myself and doing the inner work to be my best self is the recipe to shine in in my own life. Even more than standards I set for myself, I’m working on just being happy being myself – goals met or not, standards met or not. Even if we’re not doing enough, that’s ok – that’s why your reflections on dropping self-judgment is so insightful.
I’m with you – let’s use our own standards. And at the end of the day (or even the beginning) let’s live our truth 🙂
Yes, Vishu! You totally get what I was writing. It feels so much better living life from that place instead of always trying to measure up. And I love what you wrote about being ok with yourself whether you measure up to your own standards or not. Thanks for adding your insight!
Hi Varonica
I loved this post! This is exactly what I’ve been feeling the last couple of days. I’m getting impatient with things not moving forward as quickly as I’d like and then I’m not even sure what I ‘should’ be doing right now. it’s true, I’ve been comparing myself to someone else recently and feeling envious that she’s doing better than me, which actually she should be because she’s been at this self-employment thing for much longer! I love your idea about the accomplishments journal, will definitely be doing that one. Thanks!
Thanks Louise! I’m glad you enjoyed it! You get exactly what I was writing about!
Excellent post, Varonica! Thank you so much for sharing this. I also loved reading the thoughtful responses.
Thanks Jessica! That means a lot!
Hi, I really like your post. I came across it while looking for anything on accomplishment journals. A long time past I came across a book with four questions to ask yourself about your day in writing each entry. I have pretty much given up finding the book, but I think after reading your post that I’m just going to write down what I can best find in my memory and start tonight. I’m saving your page though so I can come back to read your posts, as it sounds like I’m working on some of the same things at 38 that you started at 30.
Thanks for sharing, Varonica.
Blessings,
Theresa
Thanks so much for the comment, Theresa! I’m glad you found my post helpful! And yay you for starting an accomplishments journal practice! It can be so reassuring.